Boy your eyes do shine blue as ocean seas
calm expression filling my heart with love
that gold hair doth blows in the summer breeze
flying toward the heavens like wild doves
Lips soft and sweet as the plumpest pillows
Stained and tinted a rich cherry red
Smile mysterious as the ancient willow
Your memory rests peacefully in my head
Your kind personality I admire
Your perfect mind filled with amazing thoughts
You’re the perfect package that I desire
Your intellect is what makes you so hot
Forever in my heart you'll remain
Even when you're old and need a cane.
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3 comments:
your first two stanzas seem to be written like a true poet, and then the stanzas after that, they are good, they just seem differently written. like the first two stanzas i guess in a way, sound like a shakespeare kind of writting, with confusing descriptions that you can still understand, and then the other stanzas seem so like un thought out, just straight to the point. it is good and i like it, it just yeaa seems very different, so i think it throws off the flow of your sonnetof
i thought this was a very cute sonnet. the thing that threw off the poem was your third stanza because it didn't match the rest of your poem, especially the hot part. the first part is good though.
You last line is kind of funny, I don't know if you were purposely doing that but yeah.
Your first two stanzas are good, you made good similes/metaphors.
Your third stanza doesn't really match your sonnet, especially when you say, "Your intellect is what makes you so hot."
It just doesn't really flow with the whole thing.
Nice job overall though.
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